That’s still a spoiler, dagnabbit!

You’re still ruining it for everyone! You’re bad and you should feel bad.

That was a tad over the top but the post you’ve put up is still a spoiler! There are more types of spoilers than your standard “Big Reveal” that end up ruining the film, game or episode you’re posting about!

The Big Reveal

Everyone knows this one, so I thought I’d get it out of the way straight up. This is the type of spoiler that someone just throws out there – probably on purpose – to ruin your enjoyment. They tell you a major plot point and/or its resolution and it just throws a huge dampener on your enjoyment of the media in question.

For example:

[spoiler intro=”Warning” title=”Harry Potter spoiler”]

I hope you veer off into a tree but survive long enough for the flames to consume you

[/spoiler]

[spoiler intro=”Warning” title=”Star Wars spoiler”]

I knew this plot point a full decade before I got round to watching the films.

“But Vader is Luke’s dad!” how exactly does that convince me to watch the films if I have no idea who Vader or Luke is? Idiot neighborhood kid who couldn’t believe I’d not seen any of the films.

Talkin’ bout you, Jason. Moron.

[/spoiler]

There’s not much more to say on this one. Just if you’re doing it you’re a massive jerk and should probably read Nice Guy for tips on how to not be a loser.

The Deception

This is another deliberate spoiler by some troll in an attempt to make you think a spoiler has been mentioned to see you rage. This one goes “You know [main character] dies at the end right?” knowing full well that said character does not die. The spoiler is in the fact that I now know that the character definitely does not die. No matter what happens in the story from now onwards I know that our hero will come out probably unscathed ready to rock another season.

 

The Cheeky Hint

This one’s a lesser spoiler, I’ll give you that, but it’s still up there. This is the one that is along the line of “Nah you can’t trust him, I wont tell you why though”. Unfortunately this has now put in my mind that mentioned character is going to do something so dastardly that you had to mention it. The enjoyment of the moment where I would have learned not to trust the character is now ruined, I already know it’s coming.

For example

[spoiler intro=”Warning” title=”Game of Thrones spoiler”]

GoT-Cheeky-Hint

I kinda got that vibe, but I wasn’t completely sure until now

[/spoiler]

The Twist

The twist gives away the fact that this movie, game, TV show, whatever contains a huge twist. Probably towards the end. Now that I know there’s a twist, it wont be as dramatic. It’ll be an “ah, there’s that twist” moment instead of a “Oh My God. I did NOT see that coming!” moment.

Example:

[spoiler intro=”Can’t really say else I might do it to you” title=”Twist spoiler for a 2003 horror film”]Oh man I did not see that huge twist coming at the end of Identity! I wont tell you what it is but maan![/spoiler]

This is a spoiler. I’ll now be sitting through the entire film wondering what the big twist is going to be instead of it hitting me like a wall of bricks.

The Assumer

They assume everyone has seen everything because they have and accidentally (or purposefully, if they’re an arse) reveal a major plot point while saying something related. They might not be trying to spoil something for you but gosh darn it they do it anyway. In this instance ITV News – who should damn well know better – decide they’re going to post up a little something something about Breaking Bad in an effort to get more clicks. I’m sure the clicks worked out for you, but for us who have only just been convinced to watch, it’s dead in the water now. It’s the journey that counts sure but with the big payoff in my face before I get there it’s definitely been sullied

[spoiler intro=”Warning” title=”Breaking Bad finale spoiler”]

Breaking Bad Spoiler

Assholes.

[/spoiler]

So there you have it. These are the other types of spoilers I could come up with. Can you think of any other spoiler types out there? Chuck ’em in the comments.

Before I dash, I’d just like to give an honorary mention to

The Bookworm Terrorist Douchebag

This guy has read the books and damn he wants you to know it. Don’t worry though he wont spoil it for you. But he could. He wont though. Or will he?

Probably just read the books for the sheer sake of having the spoilers to hand. Probably didn’t even read them, just read the raw spoilers without any context on 4chan.

 

Hipster-assflaps
Thank you so much for not being an asshole. Where should I send the medal I had made for the occasion?

 

 

Good times.

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